I, like every parent (in theory), want the best for my child. Consequently, I raised my daughter with five simple rules that should help her through just about any part of her life. Other than those rules there were no curfews or true limits placed on her. Was this risky? Yes, I was a young, new parent trying to figure out how to raise a child without a dummies' guide. But I read somewhere that the ultimate job of a parent is to ensure their children can survive when the parent is no longer present. Thank goodness I read this idea of "preparation" earlier in her childhood. So, I embarked on my journey of parenthood with two truths - I would do my best to be everything she needed, and she would be prepared to survive when I was no longer around (through temporary, or possibly permanent, separation). Knowing these truths, I established household rules along our journey that eventually culminated into our "House Rules."
Rule #1 (formerly our golden rule): The most important thing is to be a good person.
Now there are lots of considerations when one says "a good person." For me, it meant that despite religious or political affiliation, a past you cannot change, and a host of other reasons or excuses, you should always work to do good in the world and exhibit the utmost integrity. "Good" is defined as "that which is morally right...virtue, righteousness, rectitude."
I learned this rule during my time in college. I had taken a course delightfully titled "jogging." At that time we needed to take a minimum of two credits of physical education/health - I have yet to figure out the purpose of that requirement, but I digress. So, one day in class three of us decide to jog together and I end up sandwiched between the child of a Christian preacher and a practicing Muslim. Yeah, yeah, it sounds like the beginning of one of those "three people walk into a bar" jokes, but there were no jokes.
During the "run" (using that word very loosely) I listened to the discussion surrounding religion, explaining to the two in the beginning that my mother and her siblings were raised in a particular subset of Christianity and were required to attend church five to seven days per week. Consequently, church was not a requirement for me and my brothers. I would go to church with friends occasionally, however. With that understanding, I explained that spirituality and religion were different for me, but I understood the importance of each. I had attended catholic school for part of my primary education. Listening to the dialogue was intriguing. I listened to one of my classmates denigrate the other - touting about all the great reasons this person had chosen their religious path, but all the while bashing the other person's religious views. The behavior made me melancholy. Not because this person did not have a right to be proud of the person's beliefs, but simply because this person felt that in a country where the First Amendment speaks loudly about free exercise and association there was no consideration for anyone else's beliefs - the ultimate "agree to disagree" situation.
I turned to look at my other classmate, almost in pity. Classmate #2 with a smile says "well, the basis for all things [in my religion] is to be a good person." I smiled, not only because classmate #2 handled the situation with appropriate grace and poise, but also because that statement resonated with my soul. I did not take a side that day. I actually have never taken a side because I feel that religion and spirituality should be personal choices. I appreciated the zealous advocacy of classmate #1, but also the practical simplicity and grace of classmate #2. So, what I took from that day was despite all the things that separate us in an otherwise divisive world, the most important thing is to be a good person.
During the "run" (using that word very loosely) I listened to the discussion surrounding religion, explaining to the two in the beginning that my mother and her siblings were raised in a particular subset of Christianity and were required to attend church five to seven days per week. Consequently, church was not a requirement for me and my brothers. I would go to church with friends occasionally, however. With that understanding, I explained that spirituality and religion were different for me, but I understood the importance of each. I had attended catholic school for part of my primary education. Listening to the dialogue was intriguing. I listened to one of my classmates denigrate the other - touting about all the great reasons this person had chosen their religious path, but all the while bashing the other person's religious views. The behavior made me melancholy. Not because this person did not have a right to be proud of the person's beliefs, but simply because this person felt that in a country where the First Amendment speaks loudly about free exercise and association there was no consideration for anyone else's beliefs - the ultimate "agree to disagree" situation.
I turned to look at my other classmate, almost in pity. Classmate #2 with a smile says "well, the basis for all things [in my religion] is to be a good person." I smiled, not only because classmate #2 handled the situation with appropriate grace and poise, but also because that statement resonated with my soul. I did not take a side that day. I actually have never taken a side because I feel that religion and spirituality should be personal choices. I appreciated the zealous advocacy of classmate #1, but also the practical simplicity and grace of classmate #2. So, what I took from that day was despite all the things that separate us in an otherwise divisive world, the most important thing is to be a good person.
I raised my daughter with that very lesson. We survived teenage years without many rules - television and computer time was limited, and cell phones are STILL not allowed at the dinner table unless you are on-call, performing transplant surgery, or receiving an organ.
There are many variations of good conduct. There are gray areas that exist in parts of life. We are fall short of worthy sometimes. Still, if we approach each day with the idea that being good to oneself, others, and the world around us, is important, it makes the variations and gray areas a little less voluminous.
There are many variations of good conduct. There are gray areas that exist in parts of life. We are fall short of worthy sometimes. Still, if we approach each day with the idea that being good to oneself, others, and the world around us, is important, it makes the variations and gray areas a little less voluminous.
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